Letting Go

I originally wrote this blog on November 22, 2019. I chose not to release it at the time because I was still uncertain about the changes I was preparing to make in my life. However, recently, while going through my blog files I came across it and decided to make a few changes to the content and release it now. It feels relevant for today as we have had time (lots of it, in some cases) to look at the lives we were living and make decisions about what is next or more to the point what is important and what doesn’t matter as much anymore.

It is customary to make New Year Resolutions and in many ways this blog was just such a thing. However, our current reality has taken on a much more meaningful reason for change. Resolutions tend to come and go. The healthy diet, exercise routine, quitting smoking, spending more time with family and friends, keeping our home neat, clean and organized, paying off all our debt, going to church or praying daily are just some common examples of things we plan on changing as a new year arrives. But, resolutions seem to get lost in the shuffle of the New Year and before long we are on a vacation bought on our credit card, eating poorly while we cancel our gym membership, surrounded by files, papers and dust.

But this year….oh, this year. It has been a doozy!

Doozy is defined as: something outstanding or unique of its kind.

So, I must ask with everything that has happened, have you taken this doozy of a time to make changes in your life or are you still waiting?

I’d love to hear any comments you may have about letting go during this new normal we are now calling our lives and please enjoy the blog. I hope it connects to you.

Blog…Original Date: November 22, 2019.

Are you thinking about letting go of anyone or anything in the New Year? I’ve written before about how I take stock of my life in the last quarter of the year and this year is no different. Actually, it is…this year instead of thinking as much about what I will be taking on I am deep in thought about what I need to let go of - what doesn’t serve me as much anymore and what areas of my life have I held onto longer than I should or maybe just the right amount of time and now it is time to say goodbye.

Is there a best time to re-evaluate our choices and gracefully walk away?

Even when we know it’s time to let go, it can still hurt deeply. I am in that phase of knowing it’s time and feeling the pain of letting go. While I write this tears run down my face as I think about saying goodbye to a dream that never fully blossomed and saying goodbye to the people that crossed my path during this extraordinary season of discovery and growth in my life. However, I also know that over time I will look back and know that this season has ended when it needed to and in order to contribute fully I needed to move on and to move forward.

Are you considering what you need to let go of in order to be fully present in your life and continue to expand? Is this the year? I think of it like taking a deep breath in and waiting for the right moment to release it. We spend our lives expanding and contracting. We bring in the breath of new life and possibilities and we release that breath as we prepare to inhale the next realm of opportunity. The original breath has left its mark and helped us to live, while the new breath refreshes us.

Expand, Contract, Expand again.

We could be talking about letting go of a person, who doesn’t support or welcome the growth you are looking for in life, it may be a habit that no longer serves a purpose or is detrimental to your physical and/or mental health, it could be a job that holds you back from your desires or is not moving you toward your purpose or a feeling like anger or resentment that fills you with negativity and physically is eating away at you. No matter what it is - it will most likely feel like a loss as you let go. Yes, even letting go of anger and resentment can feel like a loss because these feelings are serving the purpose of protecting you from vulnerability. Yet, it is often true that as one thing dies something else emerges. I think about the fires in California and Australia. It is extremely sad to see all the destruction and devastation. However, when we look at the land from the previous years fires it is once again growing new vegetation. The world knows how to replant itself, replenish and reimagine the next phase of life.

With that picture in mind, I see our next season, as one part of our lives dies another is born. To prepare for the loss, the sadness, the fear of the unknown, the uncomfortable feeling of saying goodbye we need to have a plan of action. Truly coming to terms with why we are letting go, how we will do it and when we will let go is the first step. We then need a solid plan to stay the course after we make the decision, so when back tracking seems like a good idea we can reflect on exactly why we needed to move forward.

If step one is Letting Go, then step two is Figuring out what is next and step three is putting together a plan.

Step One: Let Go

Step Two: Figure Out What Is Next

Step Three: Set up SMART(ER) Goals

S-Specific, M-Measurable, A-Attainable, R-Realistic, T-Time Sensitive and you could add ER, E-Exciting and R-Risky.

As you take your journey this year, I highly recommend Daniel Harkavy and Michael Hyatt’s book Living Forward and Michael Hyatt’s Your Best Year Ever. I also highly recommend This Year I Will…by M.J. Ryan. These books give wonderful insight to help us determine where we want to go and how to stay the course once we make the decision.

You could also hire a certified life coach as well. You know where to find one….

Wishing you Good Health, Peace and Graceful Living,

Lorraine

The Trail of Excuses Behind Me

On Sunday evenings I pull open my Full Focus Planner. I review my goals from the previous week and set new goals for the current week. Most weeks my “Big 3” are a version of these items:

1. Eat a Whole Food Plant Based Diet

2. Exercise

3. Business Goal

Each Sunday I review the previous week and I tend to be confronted with failure in one or two of the categories. As I write my review of the previous week I notice the many excuses lining the pages. It is curious, that I would fail weekly when I write my goals with the best of intentions.

I have to wonder, are excuses welling up inside me before the ink is dry? Am I questioning myself before I begin?

Last Sunday night while working on my planner for the following week I had a picture in my head. It was a silhouette with words scattered behind me on the ground:

• Too busy

• I deserve to ___

• Bad weather

• My (fill in the blank - knee, foot, hip…) hurts

• Allergies

• I am cooking for others, they won’t like the healthier version

• I’m so tired

• The conditions aren’t just right

  And on and on…The words trailing off into the distance.

In front of me are my inner critic words:

• lazy

• unfocused

• lack of control

• lots of talk no walk

• I can’t

• I’m not healthy enough, smart enough, connected enough, extroverted enough, brave enough…

I recognize that the excuses are my inner critic and my fear all wrapped up into one. I may be planning my goals but have lost the confidence to even believe they are possible. Yes, one day, week, month, year it could happen so I should start over every day, week, month, year.

But, I have to wonder what would happen differently if I truly, deeply believed what I wrote in my planner.

There are many things that I have added to my life that stick and I should be proud of what I’ve accomplished. What if I went back and looked at all the things that I have done and removed the negative judgement on why I succeeded?

And yes, I said negative judgment with success.

Have you ever done something great and then striped yourself down from being proud of your accomplishment?

An example for me would be finishing any half marathon but I’ll use my first and last for the examples. I finished the Rock n’ Roll half marathon in Arizona. I cried when I crossed the finish line, because I never in my wildest dreams thought I could actually complete a half marathon. I had a real moment of pride in my accomplishment. But shortly after I allowed my inner critic to begin its barrage of comments.

• You looked silly,

• You walked and ran it’s not the same as running all 13.1 miles

• Much older people than you were passing you

• Did you look at the finish line photo, you are so heavy!

My last half marathon was 10 years and 2 months later in Florida. And I said all the same things to myself and included: you trained for a year and still you wound up hurting yourself and have an ice pack on your knee.

What would have been wonderful is if I said:

• WOW! you completed 13.1 miles and you finished by combining running and walking.

• You hurt your knee but kept going.

• You trained hard and have a healthier heart because of your hard work.

If you can related maybe it’s time to change the negative dialogue and connect to the positive. One of my daily reminders in my Full Focus Planner is: Did I live my Why today?

If you are not familiar with Living Your Why, it is the brilliant brainstormed idea of Simon Sinek author of “Finding your Why”. The idea is that we are all designed to have a Why. It is our purpose in life. Why we do anything we do professionally or personally. It has taken me a while to figure out what my Why is, but recently I was able to bring it to life. It is:

To be a guide in the transformation(change) and rejuvenation(vitality) of myself and others so that, we can connect to our truest mental, physical, spiritual versions of ourselves and live unencumbered(free), meaningful, healthy lives.

In order to change, be vital and free we need to release our negative thoughts and be more vulnerable to expressing when we are proud of ourselves.

If we think of life as a half marathon or even a marathon (if you’re that brave and physically fit to run 26.2 miles I applaud you!). Training takes small steps one in front of the other. It takes building up for the next challenging hill in front of you. And it is recognizing that you have a whole lot of concrete behind you filled with your sweat and determination. Appreciate the hard work of where you’ve been and set your sights on who you are becoming.

Here’s my hope for you and I - we clear the trail of excuses behind us and free up the path in front of us to new beginnings, Let’s celebrate the wins and love who we are in the process. Before, During and After.

Wishing you Grace, Peace and Healthy Living,

Lorraine

Eventually Everything Is Connected

It’s been a few months since I’ve written - January to be exact. On February 1, 2020 my sweet dog and constant companion passed away. My heart was broken. There is a part of it that still seems unrepairable. For those of you who have had a beloved pet and lost them you completely understand. As a matter of fact, I still can’t take her picture down on my bio on this website. It may never come down.

But, life goes on. Shortly after her death Covid-19 became a household word and with my husband working at home our routine and life took on changes. On Monday, he goes back to the office and with this, I contemplate what a reopened Colorado means to me. As a person with a history of heart disease and asthma and a pre-diabetes diagnosis looming closely, I am afraid. Afraid of the symptoms of this virus. Anyone who has struggled to breath can relate. I am filled with an extreme amount of empathy for the pain and suffering people are going through that are diagnosed with this virus and the emotional trauma seems unimaginable for those who have lost a/or multiple friends or family members while fearing for their own health and well being. Adding to this is of course the financial burden this virus is leaving in its wake for most people in this world.

It is my experience with Life Coaching and in life that we all handle stress and emotional upheaval in our own way based upon our personality type.

The Enneagram recognizes nine types, Stand Out by Marcus Buckingham also has nine types (I can see patterns that match our Enneagram type and our Stand Out types, which is very interesting to say the least) and Gary Chapman tells us there are five love languages and of course the many combinations you can find in Myers Briggs assessments. No matter where you fall with these assessments one thing is true you have your own individual way of expressing yourself. So, what happens when the person you have been quarantined with expresses themselves differently? Or if your neighbors or community members aren’t taking the same precautions you are to stay safe themselves and caring for the safety of others? Is outright anger the next phase of this world we are living in? We are starting to see the clashes between police and people choosing to follow there own guidelines. We are seeing workers being shot and people wiping their faces on the clothing of workers in stores when asked to put on a face mask. As I write this I am disgusted by the behaviors and sadden. It makes me question, “What have we learned over the past two months?”.

The earth is regenerating without all of the fumes and chemicals being pumped into it, people are cheering on our medical community and essential workers and neighbors and friends are stepping up to help those that are most vulnerable. Were the good things a temporary mask and now we prepare to go back to ourselves literally masked “maskless” selves prior to the virus or are emotions so raw that they are escaping like the steam from a pressure cooker.

I would like to think of these poor behaviors along the lines of the pressure cooker metaphor. We have been cooped up, pushed to our ends with change we did not want and we are fearful. Fearful of a virus, fearful of our financial status and fearful of the new normal. If we are going to be our best selves in the face of fear what do we need to do?

Getting to know ourselves better and recognizing the patterns of our friends, neighbors, family members and co-workers can be helpful. Moving judgement out of the equation and adding understanding for different ways of coping and adjusting can be just the thing we need at this time. Expressing our feelings in productive ways and recognizing that we may be hiding our deep seeded fears even from ourselves.

I was reading Tisha Morris’s book “Mind, Body, Home” this morning and she had a quote from Charles Eames “Eventually everything Connects” This is so true. We are connected to our surroundings, the people in our lives even those that are mere acquaintances. We are connected to our bodies, our homes, the earth. My breakfast this morning was eaten in my backyard - wind blowing, sun shining, birds were chirping, squirrels working hard to get food from the bird feeder and running along the fence, the street cleaning truck passing by and my computer sitting on the table ready to write this blog. I, in one moment was connected to healthy food, the sights, sounds, smells and feel of the earth as well as my work and passion and the movement of others as they go about the day doing their job. All the while my husband sits upstairs in my home just a window call away working with his team. "Eventually everything is Connected”

At this time of restarting let’s remember the positive reshape we took on out of necessity and out of love and caring for others and let’s take the extra moment to appreciate all of our connections and how each one is moving through this earth on a path that is our own yet collective. Reach out when you need to express yourself, speak to a friend, family member, life coach or therapist. Explore your patterns and personality and be open that you may see the world differently than others and they differently than you. Appreciate the world that we live in and take note of how she (the earth) is regenerating. Let’s continue to be kind to the earth, the people we know and do not know and ourselves. Grace is needed now more than ever. Take your time and breath in the positive and let go of what’s trapped inside.

Life is different now, but life goes on.

Wishing you grace, peace, love, understanding and over all good health,

Lorraine

Setting Your Intentions

Opening Note about today’s blog post: I wrote the following blog on January 2, 2020 and never released it. I’m not sure why. Who would have ever thought the world would/could change so much in such a short time. After reading this blog I decided to post it now. Even though everything is different it is still the same. As you will read in the last line - “Is it time to reexamine your experiences?”

On January 2, I was scheduled to take a Sunrise Vinyasa Yoga class at The Denver Botanical Gardens. I was both nervous about taking a new class and excited. I love the gardens and I was ready for this new year, new commitment.

When I signed up for the class I intentionally signed up for three classes. One on Thursday January 2 and then the following Tuesday and Thursday classes. I decided I wanted to give this class a real chance and since I have vowed that if it is on the calendar it gets done this year I would have to go.

I woke up at 5 a.m with our new sunrise clock that has birds chirping as the alarm (I swear both times it has gone off I just thought the birds were chirping outside our window), dressed in my clothes set out the night before, ate my kale and almonds, grabbed my yoga bag pre-packed and ready to go and headed out the door.

On my way to the gardens the sun began to rise in the beautiful Colorado sky. The sky here is breathtaking and I felt honored to be watching it. Traffic was good and I arrived 20 minutes early. I was pleased because I wasn’t quite sure where the building was on the grounds of the gardens. I am a member of the gardens and have been there multiple times but never pay attention to the names of the buildings - however, I had a general idea. I read on the main entrance door to enter a certain gate for after hours classes. I found the open gate and entered. I went directly to the building I assumed classes would be in but I was wrong. I proceeded to walk around the gardens trying to find the building on the maps they had throughout the gardens but I seemed to be going further and further away. I eventually ended back at the front gate more confused than ever. I finally found a construction worker and he had no idea. I was bound and determined to find this building. It turns out it was across the street with a children’s garden I never knew existed.

At this point I was 10 minutes late. I took a peek in the class through the window and saw they had begun and it was a small room - no way I could sneak in.

So….I left trying to look at my experience differently than I would in the past. I was disappointed and my hands were a bit frozen - but, I had an opportunity to take a healthy brisk walk through the gardens in the quiet solitude and watch the sun rise.

Yoga was done at home that day - and now I know where to go for the classes. It occurs to me that Yoga is defined as: a Hindu spiritual and ascetic discipline a part of which including breath control, simple meditation, and the adoption of specific bodily postures, is widely practiced for health and relaxation.

On Thursday, January 2, I meditated in my own way in the gardens as I watch the sun rise, looked at the trees, the flowers and the flowing (sometimes frozen) water. That I moved my body and improved my health. I would later do downward dogs, cat/cow and pigeon poses, I would move with flowing sequence coordinating with my breath and this is good.

But more importantly, this year I am taking those things that would stress me and my day and look at them through a very different lens. I always thought I looked at the world with a glass half full, but the more I investigate and change my behavior the more I realize that I need to relook at my glass.

How are you looking at your glass these days?

Is it time to re-examine your experiences?

I will end with this quote I found in one of my favorite books by Maria Shriver “I’ve Been Thinking”

“True happiness comes not when we get rid of all our problems, but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of awakening, opportunities to practice patience, and to learn. ”

— Richard Carlson

Wishing you Grace, Peace & Healthy Living,

Lorraine

Starts and Stops

Life is filled with times of starting - like starting a new job or starting a new diet. It is also filled with times of stopping like stopping smoking or stopping your membership to the gym. Starts are generally filled with excitement and hope whereas many times stops are filled with discouragement and frustration.

Experiencing life means experiencing starts and stops but what if you were able to start something and continue on until it was like you never lived without it.

I’ve had that experience a few times. I gave up smoking and have maintained that goal for 27 years. (I had a hiccup or two in the first year otherwise, it would have been 28 years ago) That was a stop that was filled with frustration and lots of determination and one of the best choices of my life.

A start that hasn’t stopped and I believe never will, was when I took on a vegan lifestyle. For over 20 years I have been either vegetarian or vegan with some hiccups along the way. 5 years ago I hung up my vegetarian apron and focused whole heartedly on a whole food plant based diet(WFPB). The actuality is that I am more vegan than WFPB and my hope is that will change over the course of this year and that I will fully commit to the healthiest diet for me, which is WFPB, gluten free and eliminating or significantly reducing sugar, oil and salt. I have spent years educating myself and I know this is my best direction. I would like to say in 2030 that I have been WFPB Gluten Free and (Salt, Oil and Sugar)SOS free for 10 years.

But how do you get there from here?

Luckily, I absolutely love cooking this way - so a huge hurdle is lifted for me. And as a Life Coach I am well versed in SMART goals.

I am also versed in the benefits of short and long term goals, journaling, positive reinforcements (I love a good quote, documentary, book and class) and I have support all around me.

As I make my plans I feel ready to move forward. However, there are other pieces to this puzzle. You need to have a strong WHY. And I do, I want to be healthy! I want to feel good! I don’t want to have another heart attack! I want to continue to be heart medication free! Stepping into the WFPB Gluten SOS free lifestyle will help toward that end. But it is not the only piece to obtain my WHY. I need exercise, connection to others, creativity and a strong spiritual base (meditation/prayer etc.)

Goals are wonderful but many times we short change the process. We see with blinders what we want and forget to recognize all that we need to accomplish for our task at hand.

Some questions we can ask ourselves are:

1. How do I apply my SMART goals to all the pieces of the puzzle?

2. Am I taking on too much? ie: Change my diet, exercise more, connect with others and become more spiritually aware and present. All at the same time?

Have you thought deeply and specifically about your plans for 2020 and beyond? How have you covered the entire picture and taken off the blinders?

For me, I have begun my forward movement applying creativity to my daily life. My food choices will change completely on January 1 and I have been applying better choices for the past couple of weeks - remembering that it’s not a loss of the foods I love, but a gain of learning to enjoy new foods and changing my pallet. I have reconnected to my meditation practice and it has been wonderful but not everyday yet and I will be attempting to develop my connection with others as I add a new exercise routine. Exercise right now feels like the hardest hurdle in my health transformation. I am at a stopping point with exercise and although I am both frustrated and disappointed with myself I just don’t have the motivation. This will be my biggest challenge this year.

Do you have a challenge you are trying to overcome?

Start this, Stop that… Develop new positive habits, End negative behaviors and habits… It all feels overwhelming and a waste of time. 30% of New Years Resolutions are dropped within the first month and only 40% of people stick to their resolution. So, it appears they are a waste of time. BUT… what if we are in the 40% category. What would that look like? Resolutions are set to make us better. For me feeling good is only part of the story. I have a larger purpose in my plan. It makes me think if I can turn the lense from looking out to looking in and share not only what I learn, but to help others along the way then my WHY becomes more…Moving away from I to We - Hearing with Empathy and Connecting to Others. This mission makes me feel that these changes have purpose and direction and give me a sense that I can be of service to others.

As I look at my plans for 2020 and for the next decade I am preparing to connect to self and others. Each of us has an opportunity to help our larger spiritual Self, our physical self, our emotional self, our intellectual self and in turn share what we know with others. In my case this could lead to a healthy community of people, a healthier environment and less cruelly to animals.

What is your resolution? How can you establish your WHY and is it big enough for you?

Our change today can be a catalyst for a changing world tomorrow!

Let’s make it happen!

Happy New Year!

Lorraine

Finding your Direction…Taking the First Step…

“Simple it’s not,
I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind maker-upper to make up his mind ”

— Dr. Suess

I’ve mentioned before that I spend the last quarter of the year reviewing the previous year and projecting my plans for the next year. With 2020 fast approaching I have also decided to look at my ten year goals and desires as well. I do believe in living in the present moment so it may seem odd to look not only one year into the future but ten years into the future. The fact is I believe you should live in the present with a toe in the future. None of us can predict what will happen or where one road will lead but we can envision the future and revise as needed and necessary. One of my favorite poets is Robert Frost. In his poem “The Road Not Taken” he says…

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
”

In third paragraph he says “Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way. I doubted if I should ever come back.” It rings true to me that we often think. we will double back and try the other road, yet most often we stay on the road we chose following along its routes and making side journeys along the way. I picture in my mind the book by Dr. Suess “Oh, The Place You’ll Go!” The illustrations in the book show roads of different colors and shapes going every direction. It is difficult to think about back tracking because we’ve already made our commitments and we don’t want to lose time and effort. Yet, when we read the last paragraph of “The Road Not Taken” “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.” we are reminded that quite frankly, it doesn’t matter which road that we take. Just that we take a road, follow a direction, find our footing and in the immortal words of Dr. Suess “never mix up your right foot with your left” Life doesn’t need to be lived on the less traveled for everyone and doesn’t need to be mapped out. However, picking a direction and setting a course can be exciting, enlightening and engaging. By making a decision to move forward in any direction we are moving forward and not standing still waiting…waiting…waiting…waiting.. Waiting for changes we are not willing to make ourselves. Hopeful that somehow life will suddenly change and as a result we will be changed. But isn’t real living forward momentum, setting a course into the unknown, facing our fears and as a result growing in every way possible. As you set your eyes on the new year and the new decade what do you see ahead of you? Do you want to be standing still or are you willing to take the first step? Do you see the road less traveled as slightly scary or maybe very scary? Is it the place your want to go or are you interested in the road that is comfortable, safe and familiar? There’s nothing wrong with comfortable, safe and familiar. But the balancing act in that place is still moving forward when you are comfortable. What can you do to grow in that place? Oddly enough sometimes the first step is staying the course you’ve already chartered and allowing yourself to face the things you fear most and would like to run away from and other times it’s recognizing it’s time to say goodbye to the old course and find a new path. No matter what you choose to do, the question is, are you ready to take a step and more importantly will it make all the difference?

Wishing you Grace, Peace and Healthy Living - A Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and a life filled with Daring Greatly!

Lorraine

“remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act.”

— Dr. Suess

What’s on your List?

The phone rang early on the morning of July 11th. It was my brothers voice on the other end. Dad had died. That call was over 30 years ago, I was still in my teens living with my cousin and our roommate. I knew it was only a matter of time before Dad took his last breath. A few months earlier he had been diagnosed with cancer and it was obvious that his chances were not very good. He still had hope - right before he feel asleep that evening he wrote to my mom (he could not speak or eat at that point) that now that my brother had moved back home he could go to Sloan Kettering for treatment, a few hours later he died in his sleep. The gurgling sound of water in his lungs stopped and he was gone. My reaction when I got the call was to jump up from bed and run to the living room screaming and crying. When I think about it, I believe it was a young girls reaction. A person that had not yet grown past a deluge of emotions.

I was brought back to this moment when yesterday my daughter told me about her co-worker. A girl in her 20’s whose father passed away unexpectedly. She too had an extreme reaction to the news. And I would expect nothing less. My daughter’s reaction to myself and her Dad was “Did you exercise today?” “Did you eat healthy food?” She was envisioning her life and reaction if this experience became her reality.

We all know we can’t cheat death. And we also know that we can help ourselves to stay healthy. This time of year I start preparing for what I would like to accomplish the following year and I look back at what I have accomplished or fell flat with during the current year.

My questions are always the same:

How can I succeed this year?

What do I need to do?

What do I want to do?

Health is always a top priority. But as I heard my daughter share her story and ask her questions it took my health priority to the next level, gripping a strong hold on my heart. Our daily choices can affect not only ourselves but our family and friends. For me, I have been writing my daily eight areas I want to connect with each day for a while now. They are:

1. Journal and Meditate

2. Eat Healthy - WFPB (Whole Food Plant Based) No Gluten, Low Sugar

3. Creativity - Did I create something artistic today?

4. Make the world a better place.

5. Graceful Living - What have I done today to be a better life coach?

6. Connection - Have I connected in a positive way with another person?

7. Finances - Have I made good choices for our family?

8. Exercise - Did I do cardio, stretching and/or weight training today?

For me all eight are important for my health. I am a huge fan of Dr. Dean Ornish. He has written many books his latest is UndoIt. He’s done the research, run the tests and has been able to prove his theories scientifically. Dr. Ornish shares the things that we need to do to stay healthy. They are:

1. Exercise

2. Stretching/Yoga/Meditation(Prayer)

3. WFPB diet

4. Connection to others

I’ve got these covered on my list and then added my own important items. If you haven’t done your daily list consider making today the day you write it. It’s up to each of us to care about ourselves enough to make each day a healthy one. Some things we can’t control and life can end unexpectedly. But….there are also many things we can do to live a long, healthy, clear-minded, happy heart and soul life.

So, I ask you…

What is it that needs to be on your daily check list? And how do you plan on attending to it to make every day a good day?

Happy Thanksgiving from the Miller’s!

Let’s make 2020 the year of Good Health, Happiness and a Great Well-Being!

Wishing you Grace, Peace & Healthy Living,

Lorraine

Transformation and Disappointment

I am an eight on the Enneagram. For the people who know and study the Enneagram when I say this there is an internal gasp or sometimes a physical backing away.  It seems funny to me but “The Protector” as the eight is known in the Narrative Enneagram is a very strong personality type and one that many people feel will be overwhelming to them.  Unlike when someone is a two (the giver) or a nine (the mediator) I think their titles alone say that these are easy going, kind people that don’t try to turn over the apple cart. But the eight on the other hand is known with these describing adjectives by David Daniels, MD in his amazing book “The Essential Enneagram” “Justice- Seeking, direct, strong, magnanimous, declarative, assertive, self-reliant, confident, intense, protective of others, take-charge and action-oriented” (believe it or not these are the nice adjectives) he goes on to say “but also sometimes heavy-handed, intimidating, excessive, demanding, impatient, dominating and impulsive. 

2018 Sarasota Half Marathon with my daughter Courtney and ice packs wrapped around my knee.

I appreciate my eight(ness). I like being decisive, clear about my intentions and action oriented. These qualities helped me recently when I decided to run my sixth half marathon. I had struggled with a knee problem for quite some time but it became really agitated in March at a half marathon in Sarasota, Florida and then again at a 10K in Clearwater, Florida.  As a result I decided to stop running.  I went to an Orthopeadic who told me the problem could be corrected with physical therapy so I jumped on the opportunity.  As my knee slowly began to heal I started to get the half marathon bug again. I was already signed up for the October Sarasota half marathon but I only had 40 days to train.  

I jumped on training like any good eight would and went from 0 to 100 right away.  I walked/ran 6 miles right off the bat and started weight training in the gym and at home. I also hired a trainer to help me and I became very serious about my whole food plant based eating and included weighing, measuring and logging all my food. I needed to lose weight to help me run most efficiently. 

So, of course I injured myself. I started to feel pain about one week into my training around my right hip area. Not my left knee but my right hip area.  So of course, I bucked up and pushed through the pain. I believed the issue was a psoas muscle strain or pull so I started stretching more, found videos on U-tube, worked with my trainer and foam rolled. Then on a Monday, I went for a run, and at around 2 miles my hip started to hurt but I kept going and by the end of 4 miles I could barely walk. Off again to the orthopedic office where I received the diagnosis of a sports hernia.  So here I am with less than 20 days before the race and I can’t train at all.  I have a second doctors appointment with a hip specialist to see if maybe it is something to do with my hip instead. But the real question is for someone who is described as action oriented, intense and excessive can I skip the run or could I just do a 10K and not the 13.1 miles I had planned? 

I was so excited about my transformation, my feeling of purpose. I loved having a plan and a goal and then suddenly I felt like a balloon that had been blown up and then had the air squeezed out. Deflated with just a touch of air.

How do you stay on track when you feel like life is squeezing against you? Is there a way to refill and regain your resolve? 

In this case, it is taking every ounce of strength for me to stay the course. I am having to rethink what it means to be transformed physically. I am having to truly consider stepping away from runs. It sounds odd, but I am so energized by them - for me it’s the exercise that I truly love. I am not a good runner, but it fills me.

I have been doing all the work to transform myself which means Life Coaching myself. I write the questions I would ask a client and write the answers which sometimes even surprise me. I read books on purpose, self-esteem, goals, resolution, inspiration and habits. I journal not just my three pages daily but also a health and fitness journal. I have not one but two accountability groups. I have been instagramming and writing blogs about my journey and so much more. (Can anyone say excessive?) I have put my whole self into this transformation and yet here I am at a cross-roads.  Food is going well but I have never been able to lose weight with food alone. Because of this injury I am not doing any weight work which is a problem because I need to gain muscle to lose fat and to strengthen my bones, reduce my cholesterol and a myriad of other positive benefits. 

Can I take this set back which is very big to me and turn it around? Can I look at my personality traits and use them to help me or will I allow them to hurt me? 

In the end, this transformation was about purpose. In Richard J. Leider’s book “The Power of Purpose” he states “Life and work choices based on gifts, passions, and values produces a purposeful life.” (By the way if you haven’t read this book - get it) If I break down that statement  the first word is GIFTS. Running is not my gift, but I believe I have been gifted as a Life Coach and so my gift would be helping people transform, and in order to help others I believe I need to help myself. The second word is PASSIONS. I am passionate about healthy, whole food plant based eating and exercise. The final word is VALUES. I value the body and the earth God has entrusted with me. I value the people I have been blessed to know as friends, family and those I work with who also fall into the friends category.  I respect the gifts I have been given and in order to honor those gifts I need to jump back into the arena.  

As I write this and used the word arena I look over at my wall and my two framed quotes.  The first is from Theodore Roosevelt

“”The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly who errs, who comes short again and again, because there’s is no effort without error and shortcoming but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who know great enthusiasm, the great devotions; who spreads himself in a worthy cause; Who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…””

— Theodore Roosevelt

The second is a quote from John Quincy Adams.

““Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air…” “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more you are a leader.”
”

— John Quincy Adams

So there is my answer I need to take my dust covered face and use my eight qualities and move toward actions that I will be proud of and that will help me to become the leader I have always hoped to be. I may only run 6 miles on October 20 and it may be my last but I will work toward the bigger goal and transform myself by “Daring Greatly”

What about you?

Can you relate to this story? Do you have a cross roads in your life? If so, what is it you are willing to do to adjust your direction and which path are you going to explore?

**Update: I originally wrote this blog a few weeks ago, but I was feeling bruised and sadden by what was happening so it has taken me this long to publish it. In the meantime, I found out my actual diagnosis is hip related and not a sports hernia. With this diagnosis I have been told I will not be running on October 20 and it appears I will be changing my sport as running is not a good option for me.  So…I guess I will be pulling out the old trusty bike (it’s actually brand new), doing physical therapy and working toward my new goal - a healthy hip. As you can imagine I already have a biking goal but I’ll save that unveiling for another blog.

Daring Greatly,

Lorraine

What is Okay to Say...What is Not...

Recently someone said to me “As I was gaining weight, why didn’t any of my friends or family say something?” “Why didn’t they ask me: What is wrong?” 

I found this to be a profound statement.  It is so difficult to discuss someone’s weight gain. To say I love you, so I want to make sure you are alright. Why is that? Why are we afraid to discuss the elephant in the room.

We don’t have to be cruel we just need to show our concern. 

This brings me to other areas - if we find an article or several articles debunking a diet or worse yet showing true health scares because of the diet - do we share it? I think there is a fear that the person will avoid us or that we will look like a know it all. 

As a vegan this is very true.  I have yet to meet a vegan within their first year of transition that doesn’t try to change everyone they meet. Myself included. It’s like you have found the fountain of youth or health and can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want to run to it.  So, as a healthy vegan (many are not - a diet of French fries and Oreos does not make a healthy person) do you look like a pompous (again) know it all if you become concerned for someone on Adkins, Keto, Paleo or the standard American diet. And as much as I feel I am correct with my food choices through the way I feel and investigation - others may feel the same way about their diets.

How would I and how have I reacted when someone sent me articles or spoke to me about what they considered to be the perils of a vegan diet?

Is it different if you become concerned because a friend is doing an exercise program that has been shown to be injury prone? Or if you tell someone they may need to blow their nose or get some dental floss? What if you learn about something that affects their life or don’t like the person they are involved with either romantically or even another friend they have that you feel may be toxic?

And then there is the gossip? When we aren’t up front and talk about the person’s weight gain or choices or the juicy gossip about them to others. What type of person are we, then? Is it better to be upfront and honest with the fear of losing a friend or looking like we are “superior”?

That’s the word: Superior. When we share our thoughts do we come across as if we are better in some way? How do we express ourselves on the same level but with concern and caring?

And…

What things are okay to say and what things aren’t? Is health taboo and if so, what happens when our friends and family get sick.  If it is not taboo to discuss health, fitness, relationships then where do we place the line we shouldn’t cross? 

“Honesty is the quality I value most in a friend. Not bluntness, but honesty with compassion.

”

— Brooke Shields

I recently ran into this situation and here is how I handled it. I first evaluated who I was talking to.  I am thankful that my friend is open minded.  I asked permission first “I have learned some things about the diet you are on, would you like me to share them with you or would you prefer that I keep what I have learned to myself?” By doing this I believe I have allowed the conversation to develop in a way that we were both comfortable.  Because she is open-minded she said yes, please share. Once I did so, I was done.  This will not be an ongoing discussion unless she brings it up. It was an opportunity to share what I had learned and then allow my friend to make the best choices she can for herself as an informed person.  

Life is filled with lines in the sand, poor choices, uncomfortable conversations and decisions to make.  We are all on different paths and have learned from various sources. In the end, the bigger question may always lie with the way we present the information and the reason we present it in the first place.  Taking a loving approach, knowing that our way is not always the best way and listening when we are given direction, advise, information and asked loving questions because someone cares. It’s not always dishing it out, sometimes it’s taking it in with the same openness that we hope is extended to us as we share our thoughts.

Daring Greatly,

Lorraine

It's A New Day!

It’s a new day!  I haven’t blogged for quite some time.  I was very consistent in 2017 and 2018. The words flowed easily.  But then something changed….I began journaling consistently.  Because I was writing to myself I believe my blogging became something different to me.  So here I am ready to begin again with a new focus.  

As a life coach and a woman in her 50’s I have learned a lot and I would like to share those thoughts and lessons.  Most recently it is all about transition for me.  In the past I have written about what Brene Brown calls a Mid Life Awakening.  It is so true.  It’s not a crisis but a time of renaissance for those of us who have lived the lives we expected to live. We have gotten married, maybe divorced, had children and raised them, owned a home and raised all the pets that have captured our hearts.  

So…now what?

I love this question, because the possibilities are endless. Do we go down the road we didn’t travel when we were young? The crossroad that was difficult to navigate or the road that took us away from the safe and expected.  

For me at this moment in my life, it’s all about health.  Some friends and family will say I am living a hippy life with a straight laced husband.  And to some degree I am.  I am whole food plant based/vegan. I am passionate about the environment, I meditate and do yoga stretching moves daily and I’ve been know to wear some flowing dresses from time to time. But what I am really interested in is how do I transform my body to one that FEELS GOOD.  At 52 it seems at one point or another everything aches, hurts or is out of sync. 

Then it happened…I woke up one morning with a deep frustration about leg and plantar fasciitis pain that lasted all night and declared “I am tired of feeling bad” “I am done!” And so my journey has begun.  I am running in a 1/2 marathon in 33 days, I have hired a trainer, I weigh, measure and log everything I eat, I read everything I can find on nutrition, vitamins, weight training, HIIT, running and cardio in general. I have a separate journal for my Life Style and I stretch, stretch, stretch…..

I also have been spending quite a bit of time learning and practicing the minds place in making good choices. Hearing the critic in my head, taking stock of what is said, what is important and how to answer back with positive reinforcement.  I will tell you it’s work but so rewarding to stand up and acknowledge that I am worth the choices I am making to change my life. To be healthier, happier, fitter, more real with who I am today. 

The more I learn, the more I want to teach what I have learned. My renaissance is an opportunity to not only help myself but to share what I know and help others. My weekly blogs will be filled with transformation and accountability lessons, I will be posting on the dreaded Facebook (Not my favorite) and on my new Graceful Living Instagram account - gracefullivinglifecoach where I will post videos of food, recipes, books, exercise, quotes and more. I hope you join me on these platforms and share your own experiences.  It’s time for all of us to Feel Good, isn’t it!

In the past I ended each blog with “Wishing you grace, peace and healthy living” but since the remainder of 2019 and 2020 will be about transformation I will end with two words from my favorite quote that comes from Teddy Roosevelt’s speech “Citizenship In a Republic.

Daring Greatly,

Lorraine