I am an eight on the Enneagram. For the people who know and study the Enneagram when I say this there is an internal gasp or sometimes a physical backing away. It seems funny to me but “The Protector” as the eight is known in the Narrative Enneagram is a very strong personality type and one that many people feel will be overwhelming to them. Unlike when someone is a two (the giver) or a nine (the mediator) I think their titles alone say that these are easy going, kind people that don’t try to turn over the apple cart. But the eight on the other hand is known with these describing adjectives by David Daniels, MD in his amazing book “The Essential Enneagram” “Justice- Seeking, direct, strong, magnanimous, declarative, assertive, self-reliant, confident, intense, protective of others, take-charge and action-oriented” (believe it or not these are the nice adjectives) he goes on to say “but also sometimes heavy-handed, intimidating, excessive, demanding, impatient, dominating and impulsive.
2018 Sarasota Half Marathon with my daughter Courtney and ice packs wrapped around my knee.
I appreciate my eight(ness). I like being decisive, clear about my intentions and action oriented. These qualities helped me recently when I decided to run my sixth half marathon. I had struggled with a knee problem for quite some time but it became really agitated in March at a half marathon in Sarasota, Florida and then again at a 10K in Clearwater, Florida. As a result I decided to stop running. I went to an Orthopeadic who told me the problem could be corrected with physical therapy so I jumped on the opportunity. As my knee slowly began to heal I started to get the half marathon bug again. I was already signed up for the October Sarasota half marathon but I only had 40 days to train.
I jumped on training like any good eight would and went from 0 to 100 right away. I walked/ran 6 miles right off the bat and started weight training in the gym and at home. I also hired a trainer to help me and I became very serious about my whole food plant based eating and included weighing, measuring and logging all my food. I needed to lose weight to help me run most efficiently.
So, of course I injured myself. I started to feel pain about one week into my training around my right hip area. Not my left knee but my right hip area. So of course, I bucked up and pushed through the pain. I believed the issue was a psoas muscle strain or pull so I started stretching more, found videos on U-tube, worked with my trainer and foam rolled. Then on a Monday, I went for a run, and at around 2 miles my hip started to hurt but I kept going and by the end of 4 miles I could barely walk. Off again to the orthopedic office where I received the diagnosis of a sports hernia. So here I am with less than 20 days before the race and I can’t train at all. I have a second doctors appointment with a hip specialist to see if maybe it is something to do with my hip instead. But the real question is for someone who is described as action oriented, intense and excessive can I skip the run or could I just do a 10K and not the 13.1 miles I had planned?
I was so excited about my transformation, my feeling of purpose. I loved having a plan and a goal and then suddenly I felt like a balloon that had been blown up and then had the air squeezed out. Deflated with just a touch of air.
How do you stay on track when you feel like life is squeezing against you? Is there a way to refill and regain your resolve?
In this case, it is taking every ounce of strength for me to stay the course. I am having to rethink what it means to be transformed physically. I am having to truly consider stepping away from runs. It sounds odd, but I am so energized by them - for me it’s the exercise that I truly love. I am not a good runner, but it fills me.
I have been doing all the work to transform myself which means Life Coaching myself. I write the questions I would ask a client and write the answers which sometimes even surprise me. I read books on purpose, self-esteem, goals, resolution, inspiration and habits. I journal not just my three pages daily but also a health and fitness journal. I have not one but two accountability groups. I have been instagramming and writing blogs about my journey and so much more. (Can anyone say excessive?) I have put my whole self into this transformation and yet here I am at a cross-roads. Food is going well but I have never been able to lose weight with food alone. Because of this injury I am not doing any weight work which is a problem because I need to gain muscle to lose fat and to strengthen my bones, reduce my cholesterol and a myriad of other positive benefits.
Can I take this set back which is very big to me and turn it around? Can I look at my personality traits and use them to help me or will I allow them to hurt me?
In the end, this transformation was about purpose. In Richard J. Leider’s book “The Power of Purpose” he states “Life and work choices based on gifts, passions, and values produces a purposeful life.” (By the way if you haven’t read this book - get it) If I break down that statement the first word is GIFTS. Running is not my gift, but I believe I have been gifted as a Life Coach and so my gift would be helping people transform, and in order to help others I believe I need to help myself. The second word is PASSIONS. I am passionate about healthy, whole food plant based eating and exercise. The final word is VALUES. I value the body and the earth God has entrusted with me. I value the people I have been blessed to know as friends, family and those I work with who also fall into the friends category. I respect the gifts I have been given and in order to honor those gifts I need to jump back into the arena.
As I write this and used the word arena I look over at my wall and my two framed quotes. The first is from Theodore Roosevelt
“”The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly who errs, who comes short again and again, because there’s is no effort without error and shortcoming but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who know great enthusiasm, the great devotions; who spreads himself in a worthy cause; Who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…””
The second is a quote from John Quincy Adams.
““Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air…” “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more you are a leader.”
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So there is my answer I need to take my dust covered face and use my eight qualities and move toward actions that I will be proud of and that will help me to become the leader I have always hoped to be. I may only run 6 miles on October 20 and it may be my last but I will work toward the bigger goal and transform myself by “Daring Greatly”
What about you?
Can you relate to this story? Do you have a cross roads in your life? If so, what is it you are willing to do to adjust your direction and which path are you going to explore?
**Update: I originally wrote this blog a few weeks ago, but I was feeling bruised and sadden by what was happening so it has taken me this long to publish it. In the meantime, I found out my actual diagnosis is hip related and not a sports hernia. With this diagnosis I have been told I will not be running on October 20 and it appears I will be changing my sport as running is not a good option for me. So…I guess I will be pulling out the old trusty bike (it’s actually brand new), doing physical therapy and working toward my new goal - a healthy hip. As you can imagine I already have a biking goal but I’ll save that unveiling for another blog.
Daring Greatly,
Lorraine
